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Something broke between you and someone who matters. A colleague, a co-founder, a team. You have probably been sitting with it longer than you should, waiting for it to resolve on its own, or pushing on it in ways that keep making it worse.
Avoidance and escalation are the two default responses to conflict. Neither apporach asks what the situation actually needs. In my practice, Restorative Justice starts with who was harmed, what relationships broke, and what it would take to repair them before deciding what to do next.
These questions will not resolve the conflict for you. They will help you see it more clearly than you can from inside it, clearly enough to know whether you can find a way through on your own or whether you need someone else in the room.
PART ONE: What actually happened?
Most people in conflict are still narrating the incident, who said what, who did what, what the policy says. The incident is not where the damage lives. The damage is in the trust that people broke with each other. Start there.
• What relationship or trust broke when this happened?
• Who was harmed, and what did that harm cost them?
• What is at stake now that was not before?
• What has staying in this conflict already cost everyone involved?
Part 2: What does this situation need?
What you want and what the situation needs are often different things. You might want it to stop, or for someone to admit what they did, or for things to go back to how they were. The situation might need something harder and more specific than any of those.
• Is the goal repair, accountability, a clear ending, or something else?
• Do all parties need to be in the same conversation, or does something need to happen first?
• Is this a one-time conversation or does something need to change over time?
• What would "good enough" actually look like in six months?
Part 3: What's yours to do and what isn't?
Most people cannot answer this question honestly when they are inside the conflict. Not because they lack judgment, but because they have a stake in the outcome. You cannot guide a conversation and be a party to it at the same time.
• What is your role in how this got here?
• Can you hold this conversation neutrally, or are you too close to it?
• What have you already tried, and why did it not work?
• What does resolving this require that you cannot provide yourself?
What Now?
If you worked through these questions and still do not have a clear path, book a consult. We will look at what happened, who was harmed, and what this situation requires. You will leave the call knowing what to do next. If working together makes sense, we will talk about what that looks like.
The Restorative Process Questions guide takes you deeper. A structured set of questions to work through on your own so you can understand what happened, who was harmed, and what a path forward could look like before you decide anything else.
What Now?
If you worked through these questions and still do not have a clear path, book a consult. We will look at what happened, who was harmed, and what this situation requires. You will leave the call knowing what to do next. If working together makes sense, we will talk about what that looks like. $497 applied to your engagement if we move forward.
The Restorative Process Questions guide ($27) takes you deeper. A detailed set of questions to work through on your own so you can understand what happened, who was harmed, and what a path forward could look like before you decide anything else.